Things That Go Bump In The Night

I woke up at 1.30am with the dog cuddled up next to me, and I hear a muffled banging noise. No. 1 and No. 2 sons are both asleep so it can't be them. And the OH (Other Half! He's not my husband, merely my boyfriend of almost 7 years. He barely even lives here) went to watch a football match in the pub at 2pm. So I can only conclude that I'm being burgled. I listened carefully, fully awake by this point, and I realise it's coming from the back door. The OH has a front door key, so it's not him trying to get in. Only one course of action, I jumped up, making as much noise as possible, switching lights on as I went down stair. I marched to the back door, put the key in, unlocked it and swung it open. And there stood (I use the term stood VERY loosely) the OH, with his Dad's house key half jammed into the lock. He had been trying to force it in, in a drunken effort to gain entry! To say I was angry is an understatement. I pulled his key out and threw the set at him, almost taking an eye out in the process (I now understand when my Mum used to shout "You'll take someone's eye out with that") and shouted that he doesn't have a back door key. He just looked at me all confused, holding one hand over his eye. Binge drinking alcoholics, you can't live with them, you can't shoot them!